Ottessa Moshfegh, Eileen
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“I lost myself trying to please everyone else. Now I’m losing everyone while I’m trying to find myself.”— Unknown
[video]
purest love languages that prove humans are the cutest when it comes to love:
- exchanging hand written love letters.
- remembering little things about each other.
- knowing each other’s coffee orders.
- moving hair out of your s/o’s eyes.
- saying the same thing’s at the same time.
- giving flowers to your loved ones.
- writing about your s/o in your diary.
- hands grazing as you both pick the same book in a library.
- running your fingers through your s/o’s hair as they slowly fall into a deep slumber with their head in your lap.
- forehead kisses. hand kisses. head kisses. lip kisses. cheek kisses. just kisses.
- long warm tight hugs, neither one wants to let go first.
- laughing at inside jokes till your stomach aches.
- singing your favourite songs at the top of your voices.
- dancing in the rain.
- holding your hand and guiding you through a crowd.
- roasting each other’s asses off.
- ruffling your s/o’s hair and they pretend to be mad about it but end up smiling at the end.
- staying up late, talking about the weirdest stuff and falling asleep together on call.
- feeding your s/o when their hands are occupied.
- when they tell you about how proud they are of you.
- exchanging clothes because you love the scent of your s/o.
- telling your loved one that they’re prettier than the moon.
- blushing at your s/o’s cute comments.
- making playlists for each other with songs that remind you of one another.
- the way your eyes light up when you hear their name.
original work ♡
It’s weird to grow up in a family where you know you’re loved but you don’t feel loved. And then later in adulthood you understand how almost impossible it seems to cross that distance and let yourself experience closeness, how otherworldly love feels now and how love feels unbearable at times. You flinch when someone tries to wholeheartedly love you. And over and over you see so clearly how you cannot be loved unless it’s from afar and love is mixed with that familiar sensation of distance and coldness.
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I always turn to this space when i hadnt done so in a long long time. How can someone take so much time to build up enough inside to wrote a few lines?
I guess, i have been texting friends a lot more and it is evident, that my writing energy is going there. But those are mindless stuff. Not that this is very mindful, but at least it is a conversation with myself and has potential to carry depth.
Today i felt that god is illuminating one step at a time a path that i cannot see now, but must travel.
Is Nakata from kafka on the shore too much on my mind? Is it not a coincidence that i read that book?
i go to bed. i am consumed by overwhelming loneliness. i stare at the ceiling. i long for something i can’t name. i question if i’m real. i see a funny little meme on my phone and laugh hysterically for several minutes. i get too invested in an unrealistic fantasy. i pass out around three.
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queue this post when it’s your birthday and be surprise
Coincidently it is my birthday when I saw this post
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november 11, 2020 ♡
I’ve realized that, these days, I’ve really been living the days that I’ve dreamt of. I’m doing all the things that I love to do and brings me joy. When I was still in school, I could only dream of days like these and not having any obligations or deadlines and it seemed so distant, but now it’s here. It’s really nice, but even so, I still face problems and worries and I believe that what they say is true. That, even if you’re living your dream life, there’s still gonna be problems bcs problems are part of life and, as long as you’re alive, problems will arise. The only way to manage them is to change your mindset and learn to ride the waves. Otherwise, you’ll never be content even if you’re living your best life.
This gap year has been a lovely journey so far and lots of self-discovery going on; having all this time to myself and being in solitude most of the time has been an enlightening experience. Everyday, I’m alone with my thoughts, feelings, fears, insecurities, etc. That’s why I’m so grateful for my journal bcs, otherwise, I don’t know how I’d deal with all of things that I’ve hidden in my soul for so long and learning to see my mind as a friend, not an enemy. I know this free time is impermanent, but for now I’m cherishing each moment and hoping that I can learn a lot from this time and become a better person. I hope this week has been kind to all of you! 🤍✨
🎧: fiesta en mi casa - cnco
I get anxiety with free time and so i aspire to be able to relax.. I am going to be 30 in a week and this really is something I haven’t learnt yet I just realised
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